Rubber Rampage

I create for myself a world of lies – gay lies. I live in a perpetual state of flux between possibility and utterly pessimism. I like to create wild scenarios with every person who has even a modicum of interest to me, even though I know the chances of a random hookup would be in the neighborhood of nil and unlikely. But hey – that’s the way the world works, right? But maybe, just maybe – we don’t live in a world of limited possibilities… maybe, it is possible to score with that guy (or girl) who you have your eye on all night, even though they don’t show the slightest interest in learning everything there is to know about the “show down below”. And the possibilities, in truth – are only brought on by alcohol… LOTS of alcohol.

I had a straight friend a few years back (god rest him) who said that when he was drunk – he would fuck anything that moved… “fish stand still,” he said. And I’ll tell ya – I’m not a bottom, but every time I saw him even remotely drunk – I MOVED. Not that it ever really got me anywhere, but you can’t blame a guy for trying.

Sure, I’ve had my share of random flirtations, but to be honest, it’s never really the guys who I want to have hitting on me that DO hit on me. I think that tends to be due to expectations that I wouldn’t respond well if a hot big ol’ bear of a dude accidently brushed my ass. I do my best to send the right signals when I see a big boy looking my way… I mean, I assume the right signals are shoving my hand down my pants, licking my lips, and faking the loudest orgasm I can muster. And yet they always just shuffle (or if I’m lucky, waddle) away and give me nothing to go on…

Dudes can be so fucking fickle.

I also feel it worth mentioning that this is one hell of a talky comic. I know that tends to be my “thing” – but there are a lot of artists out there who shy away from really making a dialogue in their comics and have solid beliefs that you need to keep it brief in order to hold an audience. One joke at a time – lead up and punchline… but thats really never been my style. I really prefer to just go with the flow and let the characters do the talking (which I’ve said in the past, I know). But what it really does is prepare me for when Logo approaches me to write that Chub/Bear sitcom I’ve been running over and over in my head… because one of these days, thats totally going to happen. And then I’ll sell out and the sitcom will become just a carbon copy of Will and Grace… They’ll call a guy who weight 185 pounds and chub, and a dude with a man-scaped happy trail will be the bear… And they’ll just walk around shirtless, showing off their abs all day while calling each other “fatty” and “fuzzball” respectively. It will take the world by storm and suddenly, women everywhere will want their own bear-chub.

That’s right people. Your end is nigh.

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Discussion (8) ¬

  1. cmgirty

    I think Im in love… lol I thought I was gonna die from the laffs

  2. O-Digga

    If only straight guys were that easy to convince.

  3. Bouchard

    And thats why I started eating hotdogs with a fork and a knife at all the BBQs!

    Should be able to wear my support for you today if UPS can be trusted (sorry Dave).
    Great Job and Congrats on Sat!!!!

  4. Colicub

    Yeah, there really are too many cute guys who flirt with me but tend to be straight. Remind me to show you pics at some point over Yahoo.


  5. Tim

    I’m reminded of an episode of CELEBRITY FIT CLUB or whatever it’s called in which someone (male) was 6′ tall and 180 lbs, and was there to lose weight.

    Now, I’m sorry, but, unless the standards have changed, I believe that’s considered average.

  6. Bouchard

    Shirt came today right on time and looks great no issues from zazzle.

  7. Glenn Lee

    I’d probably make up an excuse like that just to get people to pull out their cocks ready for the sucking. :)

  8. Travis

    An excellent idea…will have to try that some time.

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