Harvey Dent: “Any psychotic ex-boyfriends I should be aware of?”
Alfred: “Oh, you have no idea.”
I’ll be honest here and say that I realize my relationship is a rarity. It’s lasted the entire duration of 12 years without so much as a hiccup. We’ve been through good times and bad and everything in between and we just handle it. It’s the way it’s always been. I’d like to think, however, that if things ever did go south – we’d both do our best to end things with some form of dignity, rather than one of us just going batshit insane on the other one.
Now, in my time I’ve heard a lot of stories of things that guys do and most of the time they branch out of jealousy/trust issues. I’ve been told off by guys for chatting with their boyfriends before, I’ve talked to ex-boyfriends posing as someone I know, and I’ve been told that others have ‘posed’ as me to try to trap their boyfriends. I think the whole thing is ridiculous and delicious at the same time. If you don’t trust the person who you’re with, you’re gonna lose them. Then if you lose them – do it while maintaining some level of self-respect. This isn’t a Hollywood film where all that’s keeping the perky couple apart is one guy’s lack of effort and confidence. Hollywood is full of lies and bullshit, and it tells us that if we believe in something, anything is possible… And I’m here to pull back the veil and tell everyone, EVERYTHING is not possible.
If anything were possible, I can tell you – there is a porn story that I wrote in High School about a hot three-way with a couple of older guys I knew. Sadly, that never happened… as many shooting stars as I wished upon… Though writing the story in the first place was a mistake, considering when my Dad was cleaning out my room after I moved out – he found it and suddenly I was propelled out of the closet. Convenient for me, seeing as it meant I didn’t have to pick the time to have a “talk” with my folks.
For the record, I also have to say that when I was writing the last panel, I kept wanting to discuss the concept of an explosive in a guy’s ass… yet it always just ended up as a fart joke. Man, do I love me some fart jokes, but I resisted in this instance. I just wanted to let you all know I was thinking it, too..